Feelin' so small at the bottom of the world

I thought it was about time for a change. Something new and different.

My mood finally seems to be breaking. A new job, lunch with an old friend, and an incredible husband can do wonders for a person--namely me.

I have no idea what my deal has been lately, so I will attribute it to being completely burnt out, to prescription drugs that seem to have completely messed up my hormones and other important chemistry, and to the unfortunate truth that I suck and don't fight my mood swings hard enough.

Now I have reached the point where I ask what's next, 'cause something has to change.
It wasn't too long ago (just a few years) I was sitting on my bed, staring out the window across the hall at the trees outside, when it hit me just how blessed I was. I remember this moment clearly; it was an overwhelming feeling that has never really left. I looked around and had an incredible appreciation for everything I had. My house, personal items, my husband. I openly admitted that I was probably the happiest person I knew, and I really believe that I was at that time. That lasted for a little while, until I grew careless and things got a bit messy. However, I've always heard that if you can't keep growing, at least maintain where you are. So I tried that, and I attempted to "maintain". Then I found myself complaining about anything, everything more and more; my old attitude, the one that seriously dislikes the world and has low tolerance level for anything. Now, I feel that by hanging in there I have actually made things worse for other people. Face it, we've all been there--you try to do something nice to help out other people, but your heart's not in it and you're lucky to not make things worse.
Basically put, in the last few years I have gone from Christian-in-training to happy-go-lucky-Christian to I-don't-know. Somewhere, I missed something.

Walking away from a Christian life, in my mind, is the stupidest thing a person could do. I know that the happiest, most blessed time of my life was when I was completely into the Christian life. Not that I didn't have mood swings, bad days (or weeks) or trouble, but there was a contentness (or hope, as I have often heard it put, though I think contentness describes my sentiments better) that can not be explained unless you have experienced it yourself. I will continue on and hope that I find whatever I missed, but don't be surprised to see the writings of someone who doesn't know where she is standing.

As an attempt to keep you entertained while I ride on this roller-coaster, I will be adding new sites and trying out new things. I am even looking into a new blog-host, as Get Your Hook On has just moved, and there seem to be some definite benefits to moving.

Look around, hang out, post a response, and have fun!