I need my own show.

A show where I can tell people not to cut holes in their roof if it's raining.

Story #1
If you are going to say something stupid, I am going to laugh at you.
The setting: the local Farm & Fleet (this is important)

I was walking down an isle, headed straight for some guy and his Beverly Hills girlfriend/wife, half-ignoring the announcement on the speaker about visiting a certain department "for all your ag needs" and, (seriously, guys, I cannot make this stuff up) Beverly Hills turns to her boyfriend/husband and says "I didn't know they had eggs here. I need to get some, and some milk, too."

I laugh. Her boyfriend/husband turns away without saying a word. She glares at me, though she doesn't know why I am laughing. I continue on my way.

Story #2
Stupid-R-Us
I received a change-of-name card in the mail from a business at work today from a company I will refer to as Stupid Enterprises. It read something like this:

Stupid Enterprises
123 Fake Street
Dumbsville, USA, 12345

Please note your records that our official name is now

Stupid Enterprises

All other contact information will remain the same.

That's great, geniuses, but would you mind telling me who you were before?

Story #3
At least she wasn't still sitting at her desk.
(I didn't get to witness this one, I have taken this story from a friend, but I couldn't resist.)

While punching out at 5:00 on Friday afternoon, two employees (whom I will call Peggy (hehehe) and Ditzy) said goodbye to the third employee (whom I will call... Oh, what's that bird ladies name in Mary Poppins???) okay, let's just call her Bird Lady, who-for informational purposes I will point out has been employed with this company for 1 year and 4 months-ish). Peggy also reminds Bird Lady to lock up when she leaves (since she was goofing off on the internet and not ready to go when everyone else was).

Bird Lady yells to Peggy and Ditzy "Wait, I don't know how to lock up. Don't leave me." (Again, employed 1 year 4 months).
"Shut off the lights and lock the door." Peggy replies.
"I don't know how to shut off the lights." says the Bird Lady (without laughing... wait, she can't be serious, can she?)
"Use the lightswitch. There's only two switches." replies Ditzy. (who is not looking so ditzy right now)
So Ditzy and Peggy proceed to leave stupi... I mean Bird Lady behind because, seriously, she is in her 50's and surely she knows how to work a light switch and lock a door.

That is what Peggy thought; until she returned to work on Monday morning and found the lights still on, and the door unlocked.

Well, Peg, at least she wasn't still sitting at her desk.